Raindrops, Questions, Tears...

Black. Pitch black.

Words may have failed him, but the dark sky above him was the perfect rendition of what he felt. It was that time of the day. You know, the one before dawn breaks? It is morning, yet is darker than the darkest night. Or perhaps he just lost track of time. Raindrops drizzled their way towards him; his soaked hair fell on his forehead. Not a sound hit his ears. Even the raindrops seemed mute.

He finally looked up. The black skies, the silence, not a soul in view; felt like he was delving deeper into a black hole. Not a single pair of interrupting eyes, none of those judgmental gawks to run away from. And he thought to himself,

‘What a beautiful, beautiful black hole!’

A rather awkward smile stretched on his face. Or perhaps, he laughed at his own misery – a misery that was now a vital part of his life. It all started coming back to him then. The raindrops that earlier caressed him, now hit him like questions.

Why can’t you just move on? Why is everything falling apart? How can they not let things go when you do? Why does it even matter? Does anyone need you? What is your purpose? Will this ever end? Or will it go on until nothing’s left of you? Why can’t you be what you choose to be? Is there anything left that’s worth looking up to? Why were you even born? Did you really deserve any of this?

“Let me be!”                                                                  

The silence finally broke. His voice seemed to stab the air around him, leaving rays of light all over his black hole. He brushed it all off his face, all the raindrops, the questions, the tears. This was his world. A black hole he must be vacuumed out of. A force somehow kept him going. A force he hated, yet a force he knew he needed. He turned around to leave his beautiful black hole to face the world he lived in.

He walked away as the sun rose behind him.

Tasmeena Maryam